A Glad Grad

Yesterday was an amazing day. I usually don't allow myself to be proud of myself very often, but I let it go for one day and decided to enjoy my accomplishment. There's something about graduating from college that is very gratifying. Maybe it's the years of devotion, time, and effort that go into it? Maybe it comes from the struggle to balance family, school, and down time? Maybe it's all of the above. This has truly been one of the best/most difficult things I've ever done and I have to say... I'm a little proud of myself. I admit it. My family has been such a big support and have encouraged me all the way. I have to give props to Utah Valley University as well. I love that school. I love the learning environment and the teachers and especially those in the behavioral science department. I'm excited to see where this takes me and to see what can happen in my life because of it. I feel like education is the key to everything in life; if you are educated you can go anywhere and do anything. There are so many opportunities to grow and become what you want to be and knowing that makes me pretty psyched.

Here's to the class of 2011. Go out and change the world.

Domesticated and a Birthday

My domestic side has slowly started to reemerge and I am ever so grateful. I've started to notice that for about a year after my babies are born I have no desire to do much of anything; I don't want to cook, clean, decorate, work in the yard, etc... However, I have been on a rampage the past few weeks and it feels great. I was totally excited that Easter came so I had an excuse to bake something; this is what I settled on:

To the average person it might seem cheesy, however, if you are a mom, it automatically makes you the best one in the entire world. You can tell it's a bunny, right? Yes, I think so. I am now prepared to whip up a fish tank cake for this little man's birthday party:

Reggie turned one on Tuesday. I can't even explain how quickly this year has gone by. He is such an amazing little boy. He is beyond mild tempered, happy, sweet, snuggly, and has the most kissable cheeks I've ever seen. He loves his sister, Ritz crackers, and to pull laundry out of the hamper. I'm so thankful for him every day. He is such a blessing and a joy in my life. I love you Reg and happy birthday!

Busy, Busy, Busy

I can't believe it's been so long since I've posted. I'm sorry. Mostly to myself, and then to anyone who happens to actually read this thing.

So much has been going on... projects, school, moving, family, everything. I suppose I should have documented it all, but frankly, I'm too tired to think anymore. It's either because I've been thinking too much or it's the paint I've been huffing while working in the garage. You choose.

Good news though, I graduate next week. Although, I'm not officially done until August. But that's OK, I'll still take the credit. I've worked hard and it's been a long time coming. A bit of advice to anyone that is single and questioning whether or not to quit school... DON'T QUIT. Finish while you have your singledom and kidlessdom. It's so much easier... I promise.

Then there is moving. Moving sucks. I haven't moved in 7 years and it's amazing how much stuff you acquire with two children and a mortgage. Stuff is overrated. I have an intense desire to simplify but for some reason I just end up with more stuff. Weird. I do love our new place, though. It's older, cozy, has a smaller yard, and a little more like me I think. Oh, and Orem is way better than Provo. Sorry, but true.

I am impatiently awaiting summer. This spring has been too gloomy and cold. I am looking forward to riding my bike to class, swimming, soaking in the sun, planting my garden, and working in the yard. We have a goal to teach Adelaide to ride her bike without training wheels and to get Reggie used to the grass. So far he screams every time his little feet touch it.

Speaking of the kids... Adelaide is loving the new neighborhood because it is awesome! There are so many kids around, she is never bored or without a friend to play with. And my little Reg has finally started to crawl! It's a Christmas miracle I tell you. He will be 1 next Tuesday and he has finally caught up to babies five months younger than him. It's OK though, his cuteness makes up for it.

Well, there you go. That's it in a nutshell. Done. Until next time. Hopefully sooner than last time.

A Few Things About Existentialism

I'm sorry if school happens to be a recurring topic around here.  It happens to be the constant in my life right now so sorry again, I can't help it.  I'm in a personality theory class and I love it.  We've been studying Rollo May and his existential psychology over the past week and I must say, it's my favorite.  I like the concept much better than many of the other theories.  They all have their good points but I think existentialism fits me.  Here's a few reasons why:

Existence means progress and to emerge or become.  It involves change and growth and gives people the opportunity to redefine themselves continually by the choices they make.

You are responsible for who you are and what you can become.  Sartre said that "Man is nothing else but what he makes of himself."

You have the ability to make choices that affect your destiny.  May said that destiny is "the design of the universe speaking through the design of each one of us."

Destiny is our destination and goal, but it does not mean we cannot change it.  We can choose how we respond to what comes our way.

When we challenge our destiny, we gain freedom and as we gain this freedom, we push the limits of destiny.  Without destiny we are not free, but without freedom, our destiny means nothing.  May said that "the freedom of each of us is in proportion to the degree with which we confront and live in relation to our destiny."

I've lived in Utah for 29 of my 30 years on this earth and I must say that it has been a struggle.  I have struggled to find myself and to discover who I truly am while living in the dominant LDS culture.  Only recently have I started to figure it out.  Existentialism discusses the anxiety that comes from leaving yourself behind in order to grow, change, and face your destiny.  I think I had 30 years of pent-up anxiety and man it wasn't easy, but it was worth it.  Human beings are not constant, the only constancy about us is that we are always changing and re-evaluating our lives whether we are aware of it or not.

Buddha said that "the only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows."  This is my new motto.  It is a struggle for me and will most likely continue to be for the rest of my life, but I will find myself regardless of my surroundings and I will be happy with myself regardless of what others may think of me.  My idea of happiness is not to be continually striving for something you are not, but to strive for something you are.  And what you are is up to you and no one else.

We are all different and with that comes different destinies.  I don't believe that we are meant for the same thing; if that were the case we would have been born and raised the same.  I'm glad we're different and I'm glad we are going different places.  This world would be a very boring place otherwise.

Procrastination

I am procrastinating.  I have a paper to write tonight and I just can't focus.  I don't know how many more psychological theories I can store in my brain.  Most of them are strange because they are ideas from over one hundred years ago.  However, they are quite valid because old theories must be used to create new theories, and though some aspects may be silly, the remaining aspects hold true.

Anyway...

I can't stop thinking about the music of Ryan Bingham and The Dead Horses.  I just started listening to his stuff and I love it.  He was on Jay Leno last night and I was immediately looking for more of where that came from.

Oh yes... I've also been listening to Caleb Slade quite a bit.  He is the brother of Isaac Slade (frontman of The Fray).  He is fantastic and highly recommended from this corner.  His music is super-chill, full of piano, just like I like it.  Lovin' it, lovin' it. 

And then... my kids made me so happy tonight.  Every night I read Adelaide a story and sing her two songs before going to bed.  I used to put Reggie in bed before this little ritual but I have since decided that he needs to be a part of it.  He sits on her bed and plays with her purple wolf (Torcha) while I read her a story, and then he sits on my lap and claws at my earrings and hair while I sing her songs.  This never goes as smoothly as it sounds.  Those two kids absolutely adore each other.  I can't get through a story or a song without Adelaide making him laugh hysterically.  He gets so excited he can hardly stand it and this just encourages her even more to keep it going.  I think my favorite thing about having two kids is seeing how they interact with each other.  It's amazing how so much love can be formed in 9 short months between two little people. They make me smile and bring me so much joy it's not even funny.  Not even a little bit.

Glorious February

Am I dreaming?  Is it finally February?  We are nearing the end of the season of melancholy.  This is a glorious day!  In honor of this month I would like to post a little quote; a quote of hope:

“Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself... 'How did I get through all of that?”

-Unknown 

Happy February everyone.

 

Getting Me Through

 

Can I tell you how hard it is to enjoy the present when you hate the winter so?  This cold is killing me!  It's hard to forget about how cold it is when your hand and feet are constant icicles,  regardless of socks, slippers, or mittens.  What to do, what to do?

There are two things I have decided to keep up that will most certainly get me through.  The first is keeping fresh, bright flowers on the kitchen table.  I'm in the kitchen so much that they always catch my eye and make me smile.  They give me hope and excitement for spring which is just around the corner (only 46 days until March).  Did I mention that they smell fantastic?  They do.

I've become quite the tea enthusiast.  Well... maybe a little bit more than an enthusiast.  I love it.  I look forward to holding a hot cup in my frozen mitts every afternoon.  This is the second thing I have vowed to do daily.  I usually enjoy a green tea with a touch of honey for sweetness.  But an amazing thing happened to me the other day.  What is it you ask?  Well, I actually won a giveaway on a blog.  I know!  Amazing!  The best part is that the giveaway was for a ton of delicious tea from Mighty Leaf Tea.  It came in the mail today and I immediately made myself a pot of Rainforest Mate.  The tea is amazing and I'll probably be buying it from now on.  Something about tea makes me feel warm, comfy, and relaxed.  It's a true comfort food for me.

It feels good to find a little warmth and beauty on these bitter cold days.