I came upon a section in Eat Pray Love that was meant for me to read. Do you ever do that? Read something and know it was written especially for you to read at the exact time you needed it?
I used to pride myself on the fact that people would tell me how positive I was, so fun-loving, what a great outlook on life I had, that nothing could get me down. Well, that was a long time ago. I am not that person anymore............and I HATE it. I remember how I felt, I remember how I thought, but, what I don't remember is how I lost it or how to get it back. What happened that changed me? It has been such a slow process that I wouldn't even be able to put my finger on it. This might sound really egotistical and big-headed, but I was one of the coolest girls I knew. If I wasn't me, I would want to be my friend. I loved everything and everyone. I loved to be included and I liked to include others. It made for really fun times with a lot of really fun people.
That being said, I am on a quest. A quest to find me again. A quest to get all of the negative crap out of my head. A quest to re-discover that life is great, yet it's only as great as I let it be. A quest to become the best person I can be and as the years go by, keep on getting better.
WARNING: This is a beyond-long post. You can stop now if you like. Although you are certainly welcome to continue.
........... an excerpt of what I read.
(This is Elizabeth Gilbert writing about her own self discovery)
"You may not come here anymore with your hard and abusive thoughts, with your plague ship of thoughts, with your slave ships of thoughts, with your warships of thoughts--all these will be turned away. Likewise, any thoughts that are filled with angry or starving exiles, with malcontents and pamphleteers, mutineers and violent assassins, desperate prostitutes, pimps and seditious stowaways--you may not come here anymore, either. Cannibalistic thoughts, for obvious reasons, will no longer be received. Even missionaries will be screened carefully, for sincerity. This is a peaceful harbor, the entryway to a fine and proud island that is only now beginning to cultivate tranquility. If you can abide by these new laws, my dear thoughts, then you are welcome in my mind--otherwise, I shall turn you all back toward the sea from whence you came.
That is my mission, and it will never end."
Her mission has become mine. Unless I want to continue on the path I have been treading (which I don't) I need to take action. Now. My brain needs a permanent respite.
