I was driving the other day when I heard Landslide by Fleetwood Mac on the radio. I thought the lyrics to be very fitting at this point in time:
Took this love and I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Till the landslide brought me down
Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
And can I sail through the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Oh oh I don't know, oh I don't know
Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older I'm getting older too
Yes I'm getting older too, so
...
It's kind of funny how life happens. You can tell yourself for years that certain things will never happen, and then they do. Then you have to face that reality and it makes you take a really good look inside yourself. I have a lot of soul searching to do, I need to figure out how to be honest with myself so I can continue to progress. I need to know who I am inside and out, what do I really like and what do I want? I need to do this for the sake of my sanity and my children. I need to figure out how to live a life that is genuine and sincere, one that does not rely on anyone else. I have lived most of my life on someone elses expectations and with a fear of disappointing those around me. In the end, that is what I have ultimately done, disappointed many. My hopes are that I will rise from this with positivity, and that I will not make the same mistakes again. If I can learn to be true to myself everything else will fall into place...
