One of my yearly goals is to realize my worth. I know in my head that I am worthy of all of the wonderful things I want in this world but I struggle with actually feeling it. I struggle with compliments and when I receive them I have a hard time saying thank you instead of putting myself down. I put myself down all the time and it is always surrounding the way I look. Why do I do that? At what point in my life did I doubt and question my beauty?! What has this world done to women that makes them feel like less of a person because they don't fit the mold? What's sad is that even those photo-shopped on the cover of a magazine to a certain level of supposed perfection are butchered, scrutinized and torn apart by the media. It makes me furious when celebrities are criticized for wearing a swimsuit because they have cellulite... what the hell?! 90 percent of women have cellulite! Once upon a time I weighed 108 pounds and still had cellulite. It's ridiculous... There are times that Adelaide will say things about her body and compare herself to others... it makes me crazy! I am a firm believer of talking positively about body image and I never allow myself to say negative things to her about physical appearance. I know she hears things on TV, friends and pretty much everywhere else she goes in this world, but how can I get so upset when she puts herself down but continue to do it to myself?! Not cool Megan, not cool. How do I take my own advice and know that I am beautiful because of who I am, not how I look?
I find myself thinking a lot lately about how I am aging... I notice little fine lines on my face and gray hairs sprouting up on my head, my skin isn't as tight around my eyes as it once was, my boobs are tiny from nursing two babies, I have stretch marks on my belly button and this bump on my nose that I've pretty much had my entire life has started to irritate me when I've never let it bother me before. News flash Megan, none of this matters. Why oh why does this matter when you are a good person, good mom, have wonderful kids, have the desire to help, love and do good for other people, have a healthy body, outgoing and have an incredible desire to experience and suck every possible wonderful thing out of what this life has to offer?
I think about what I want out of a relationship. What do I want another person to love about me? Do I want them to love me for my looks? No. I want them to love me for the person that I am, the deeds that I do, the emotions that I feel and the love that I give. If this is the case, I need to stop focusing on these stupid flaws that aren't even flaws at all. They are little pieces of me that make me who I am and part of the story that I have lived. Every line, every stretch mark, every soft spot has a story that has molded me into the person that I am today. And frankly, I love the person I am today more than any other version of me that's ever been. I want Addie and Reg to know and feel their perfection, know that they are amazing and beautiful because of who they are and what they contribute, not for their smooth skin and perfectly spaced eyes.
I am on a journey, a journey to allow myself to love myself for this imperfectly perfect body and the story that it tells. To allow what's really inside to shine through and tell the story of what true beauty is. To let my actions and desires for good, happiness and love be what others see and know that they will see it as beautiful... because that's what I am.
