A Wonderful Day for a Funeral

Tuesday June 19, 2012 was a memorable day.
It was one of the most overwhelmingly emotional days of my life.

The Friday before this day I received a phone call. It was from a woman I had never spoken to before but Davey had spoken to her once around Christmastime. Her name is Ruth. Ruth is the ex-daughter-in-law of my biological grandmother, Dorothy. She informed me that Dorothy had passed away a few days before. I didn't know how to feel, but I was sad.

Over the past four years or so I have kept in touch with Dorothy through letters and she would send Adelaide and Reggie presents for Christmas. I would send her Christmas cards and pictures of the kids. We had talked about getting together to meet up eventually, but that never happened. I was not aware that 6 months ago she was given 6 months to a year to live due to congestive heart failure. She made it 6 months.

A strange occurrence happened a while back when my grandma Liechty was at a Daughter's of the Utah Pioneers awards banquet. They were announcing an award and the winner of this award was Dorothy Iman. My grandma recognized the name as being that of the mother of my biological father. She approached Dorothy after the banquet and before my grandma could say anything Dorothy said, "It's about Megan, isn't it?". They had a conversation, exchanged some information, and that is the way I came to have a relationship with my biological grandmother.

When I spoke to Ruth that Friday she told me that Dorothy would love nothing more than for me to come to her funeral. So I agreed.

I didn't realize what I was getting myself into until the day of the funeral. I was entering the lions den. I was entering a place where I knew no one, and no one knew me. It was a room full of people with my DNA and I had never met any of them. I was scared to death. Thank goodness I had my children, mom, and grandma Liechty there to support me. When we arrived at the funeral home my mom and I had a 10 minute debate on whether to go into the viewing room where they were about to have family prayer or to just sit in the chapel. We decided to slip into the chapel and sit quietly. I thought it might be better to wait until after the funeral to introduce myself to everyone. But that isn't the way it worked out. My mom went to high school with one of the funeral directors, she asked him if he would let the family know that I was there. We were sitting in the chapel when he came back and told us that the family would really like us to go into the viewing room. Oh crap! What was I doing?!! I was terrified. I knew who would be in there. My biological father, brothers and sisters I had never met, aunts and uncles I had never met, cousins I had never met.

I never thought this day would happen. I never cared about meeting my biological family. The family I have is amazing and there's no reason I would need that in my life. However, it all changed that day.
I couldn't wait to see where I came from, see if there was a resemblance, see siblings I never knew I had, and to speak to the man who chose not to be a part of my life.

My mom, Addie, Reggie and I walked into the room. I instantly felt eyes on me and I wasn't sure what to think. I was searching for someone I knew, but I knew no one. The funeral director took us to the woman who had told us to come, it was my aunt Lee and she was sitting by Garry, my biological father. I can't even describe the look on their faces. It was humble, it was kindness, it was happiness, it was longing. We spoke for a minute when Garry told me to hurry up to the casket before they put the veil over Dorothy's face. I made it just in time. She looked peaceful and beautiful. It was the one and only time I had seen her and it was for only seconds before they covered her up forever. I walked to the back of the room again where Garry was telling mom how there were no words he could say. I agreed, there were just no words. I was then introduced to two of my brothers, Eric and Alex and Eric's children. I couldn't believe it, I have two other brothers.

The funeral was lovely. I wish I could have known the woman they were speaking about, but I knew I would meet her in person one day.  We attended the graveside where I met my aunt Gretchen and her children. There were other family members I met that I can't even remember, it was overwhelming but wonderful. We were invited to the luncheon which I thought was beyond nice. I was able to chat more with Garry and Eric. Funny enough, we became Facebook friends. Garry told me that this never would have happened if it wasn't for me, I had to be the one to do it. I guess he was right, it was my call. I gave him my phone number and he asked me if it would be alright to have a get together with the family sometime. I said yes. I couldn't believe I said yes, but I did and it felt right.

We hugged everyone and went on our way. It was the most surreal experience of my life. It was like a dream. A very happy dream. My dad will always be my dad there is no question, but I never knew it would feel so good to discover this missing piece of me. It was a very hard, very scary decision but I know I did the right thing. It was the best funeral I had ever been to.

Thank you Dorothy for bringing us together.
You worked a miracle. I love you and rest in peace.

Long Time

I can't believe it's been so long since I've posted. I wish I had more time but life is so busy right now.

But things are good and I am feeling good.
Happy Easter!

Passing

I don't deal with death very well, not even a little bit.

We've gone to the same pediatrician since the day Adelaide was born. Dr. Gregory Nielsen was the on-call doctor at UVRMC and came to check on her in the hospital after she was born. We liked him so much that we chose him to be our doctor. That was over seven years ago. Today I went to his viewing... he was only 38 years old. That's only 7 years older than me; it really makes you think.

I found out that he had passed last weekend. I couldn't believe it... we just took the kids to see him a couple of months ago. He was healthy, happy, alive. He contracted an airborne strain of staph, it damaged his heart, his heart threw a clot, the clot went to his brain, he had a stroke, and he died. This all happened within days. I'm still in shock as to how sudden, how sad, and to how quickly life can be taken. He left behind his wife and 4 children under the age of 11. I can't even begin to imagine how they must be feeling at this moment. My heart goes out to his family and loved ones.

I'm pretty sure I believe in an afterlife. There has to be so much more than this. Life is good, but life is hard, we learn lessons, we are always moving forward and progressing. It has to be for some reason, right? He's in a better place, a place of peace and comfort, I'm sure. But then there are those he has left behind, or the people that have been left behind after anyone has passed away. All of those people left to mourn, grieve, and to figure out how to go on in this life. How to stop missing them so badly, how to survive financially, how to go on with everyday tasks without breaking down in tears. They have to figure out how to find happiness again and how to take care of their children on their own. It's all so overwhelming... I don't like it.

I know that people figure these things out, we are resilient beings. But for me, the sadness is just too much. I hope that one day when we are all dead that we can look back on life and laugh about how hard we thought everything was. Laugh about how it was such a miniscule moment in time and laugh about how wonderful everything is because we survived it and made it past the obstacle we all dreaded. But in the meantime, this girl has to figure out how to deal, how to not be so afraid...

A First

I went on my first bike ride of the year this afternoon. It was an absolutely beautiful day. I love the warm days we get here and there before spring actually hits. It's a tempting little taste of what is to come.

I rode from my house down to the Jordan River Parkway trail. It was my first time in the area and I loved it. There are parks, picnic areas, and there are even a few fishing ponds. I rode for about 6 miles today and it felt amazing, although I think I'm going to be sore tomorrow...

Only So Much

I'm starting to realize that there is only so much you can do.

Everything I have been doing lately has seemed to do nothing but bite me in the ass. I am trying to be honest, I am trying to follow my gut, I'm trying to be up front with people, and I'm trying to confide in my friends to form closer relationships. I guess it was my mistake in thinking that these things would only bring positive consequences. I've also been trying really hard to stop thinking that I can make people understand me and see things how I see them. I know this is impossible but I think that if they could only understand how I am feeling that it would make everything better. It would resolve the issue... But this can't be done. This can't be done because you cannot control what other people say, think, or do. Everyone has a choice and sometimes those choices affect you and there's nothing you can do about it. The only thing you can change is your attitude toward it.

I'm frustrated... I think that I am doing the right things but soon discover that I am wrong. Maybe I just need to be patient, maybe I'm still on the right track but I need more time. Maybe some things just aren't meant to be...

Self Reliance

"When you find yourself searching for the strength to grow outside your situation, however ideal or horrifying it may be, read this book. When you find yourself adopting the opinions of those surrounding you rather than waking each day with the joy and dare I say burden of exploring and exposing that which is authentically you, read this book. We live in a world where the strongest survive; where those who are unafraid to speak their personal truth end up writing ours for us. Simply put, a life lived in the shadow of fear is a life wasted."

-Andrew McMahon regarding Ralph Waldo Emerson's "Self Reliance"

Awesome

I need to start being more awesome:) 

Found via pinterest