I went to a funeral today of a very good friend of mine. Clint Ballard and I were really good friends in high school and after, but of course as life goes, we lost touch over time. People used to tease us a lot in high school because they were certain we were hooking up even though we never did. We just spent a lot of time together cause we could talk about anything. He used to call me kid and say that we were "boys" (good friends). We went to dances, we wrote while he was on his mission in Jamaica, we kept in touch when he came home and he even came to my wedding reception. I've seen him on and off since then at Provo city softball games and at UVU. I happen to run into his family regularly while I'm out shopping and it's like no time has passed at all. Over the past few months I've been thinking about how I needed to get in touch and see how he's doing but with my life as crazy as it is now, I never got around to it.
I heard some terrible news on Friday. I heard that he had taken his own life the day before. I was sick and I've been sick about it ever since. Clint? Clint? There was no way! I like to say that I don't have regrets but I do now. Why didn't I listen to myself? I am heartbroken because if there is one person that should still be on this earth it's him. He was a wonderful, caring person who gave the best hugs in the universe. I am queen of the coulda shoulda wouldas and I have done nothing but dwell on what I wish I would have done. His sister Brook reminded me today that everything happens for a reason. I know she's right but I'm struggling now to find out what that might be. I hope to find out some day...
Clint you will be dearly missed and I hope that you have found peace. I can't imagine what you must have been struggling with and what you were feeling, but I hope that you have found what you were looking for.
I am proud to have known you and to be able to call you my friend.
