When will I know it? When will the war stop raging in my head? When will I find peace?
I am tired of myself, tired of the same self doubt and feeling as if I must achieve some level of perfection in order to be truly loved... A truly ridiculous need to appear to have it all together. It's instant, my body reacts before I even know what I'm reacting to. I pause to reflect on the the feeling of dread and knots in my stomach. I analyze my words, my thoughts, my way of being. It's the same, time and time again. My body knows it so well it tells me before I can even comprehend it. I lay in bed trying to drain my brain from my skull, longing for relief.
I have done a lot of work and I have come far. My life is wonderful and I'm the happiest I've ever been. Then comes the one thing I can't escape... the one thing that makes me want to hide away and convince myself I don't need the very thing I want so badly. To know I am worthy of all that I want in this life. To know that I can be myself and that I am perfect, whole and complete.
