A Few Things About Existentialism

I'm sorry if school happens to be a recurring topic around here.  It happens to be the constant in my life right now so sorry again, I can't help it.  I'm in a personality theory class and I love it.  We've been studying Rollo May and his existential psychology over the past week and I must say, it's my favorite.  I like the concept much better than many of the other theories.  They all have their good points but I think existentialism fits me.  Here's a few reasons why:

Existence means progress and to emerge or become.  It involves change and growth and gives people the opportunity to redefine themselves continually by the choices they make.

You are responsible for who you are and what you can become.  Sartre said that "Man is nothing else but what he makes of himself."

You have the ability to make choices that affect your destiny.  May said that destiny is "the design of the universe speaking through the design of each one of us."

Destiny is our destination and goal, but it does not mean we cannot change it.  We can choose how we respond to what comes our way.

When we challenge our destiny, we gain freedom and as we gain this freedom, we push the limits of destiny.  Without destiny we are not free, but without freedom, our destiny means nothing.  May said that "the freedom of each of us is in proportion to the degree with which we confront and live in relation to our destiny."

I've lived in Utah for 29 of my 30 years on this earth and I must say that it has been a struggle.  I have struggled to find myself and to discover who I truly am while living in the dominant LDS culture.  Only recently have I started to figure it out.  Existentialism discusses the anxiety that comes from leaving yourself behind in order to grow, change, and face your destiny.  I think I had 30 years of pent-up anxiety and man it wasn't easy, but it was worth it.  Human beings are not constant, the only constancy about us is that we are always changing and re-evaluating our lives whether we are aware of it or not.

Buddha said that "the only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows."  This is my new motto.  It is a struggle for me and will most likely continue to be for the rest of my life, but I will find myself regardless of my surroundings and I will be happy with myself regardless of what others may think of me.  My idea of happiness is not to be continually striving for something you are not, but to strive for something you are.  And what you are is up to you and no one else.

We are all different and with that comes different destinies.  I don't believe that we are meant for the same thing; if that were the case we would have been born and raised the same.  I'm glad we're different and I'm glad we are going different places.  This world would be a very boring place otherwise.

Procrastination

I am procrastinating.  I have a paper to write tonight and I just can't focus.  I don't know how many more psychological theories I can store in my brain.  Most of them are strange because they are ideas from over one hundred years ago.  However, they are quite valid because old theories must be used to create new theories, and though some aspects may be silly, the remaining aspects hold true.

Anyway...

I can't stop thinking about the music of Ryan Bingham and The Dead Horses.  I just started listening to his stuff and I love it.  He was on Jay Leno last night and I was immediately looking for more of where that came from.

Oh yes... I've also been listening to Caleb Slade quite a bit.  He is the brother of Isaac Slade (frontman of The Fray).  He is fantastic and highly recommended from this corner.  His music is super-chill, full of piano, just like I like it.  Lovin' it, lovin' it. 

And then... my kids made me so happy tonight.  Every night I read Adelaide a story and sing her two songs before going to bed.  I used to put Reggie in bed before this little ritual but I have since decided that he needs to be a part of it.  He sits on her bed and plays with her purple wolf (Torcha) while I read her a story, and then he sits on my lap and claws at my earrings and hair while I sing her songs.  This never goes as smoothly as it sounds.  Those two kids absolutely adore each other.  I can't get through a story or a song without Adelaide making him laugh hysterically.  He gets so excited he can hardly stand it and this just encourages her even more to keep it going.  I think my favorite thing about having two kids is seeing how they interact with each other.  It's amazing how so much love can be formed in 9 short months between two little people. They make me smile and bring me so much joy it's not even funny.  Not even a little bit.

Glorious February

Am I dreaming?  Is it finally February?  We are nearing the end of the season of melancholy.  This is a glorious day!  In honor of this month I would like to post a little quote; a quote of hope:

“Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself... 'How did I get through all of that?”

-Unknown 

Happy February everyone.

 

Getting Me Through

 

Can I tell you how hard it is to enjoy the present when you hate the winter so?  This cold is killing me!  It's hard to forget about how cold it is when your hand and feet are constant icicles,  regardless of socks, slippers, or mittens.  What to do, what to do?

There are two things I have decided to keep up that will most certainly get me through.  The first is keeping fresh, bright flowers on the kitchen table.  I'm in the kitchen so much that they always catch my eye and make me smile.  They give me hope and excitement for spring which is just around the corner (only 46 days until March).  Did I mention that they smell fantastic?  They do.

I've become quite the tea enthusiast.  Well... maybe a little bit more than an enthusiast.  I love it.  I look forward to holding a hot cup in my frozen mitts every afternoon.  This is the second thing I have vowed to do daily.  I usually enjoy a green tea with a touch of honey for sweetness.  But an amazing thing happened to me the other day.  What is it you ask?  Well, I actually won a giveaway on a blog.  I know!  Amazing!  The best part is that the giveaway was for a ton of delicious tea from Mighty Leaf Tea.  It came in the mail today and I immediately made myself a pot of Rainforest Mate.  The tea is amazing and I'll probably be buying it from now on.  Something about tea makes me feel warm, comfy, and relaxed.  It's a true comfort food for me.

It feels good to find a little warmth and beauty on these bitter cold days.

In The Now

My friend Erica posted something yesterday that hit me pretty hard.  She wrote about living in the present and enjoying things as they come instead of always waiting for what's next or what's happening down the road.  I know I have huge issues in this department (I may have even posted about it before).  I am always asking myself,  what's next, what's tomorrow, what's next month?  "Then what" is constantly ringing in my head.  I am always waiting for the next stage in everything... in life, with my kids, with money, it goes on and on.  When Adelaide was little I was always waiting for her to do something new: crawling, walking, eating solid foods, talking, and I never enjoyed how amazing she was at that very moment!  I feel like I missed out on so much even though I was right there every day, all the time.  I do give myself a small pat on the back because I am trying so much harder to enjoy Reggie where he is.  He is eight months old and he still can't roll from his back to his belly, he can't crawl, and he certainly isn't close to walking.  This would have made me crazy back in the day.  I'm actually loving the fact that he can't get around yet, he is so much easier to handle this way!  Instead I love how he is the most laid back baby in the world and will sit on your lap and just chill.  He is the noisiest, most babbling baby I've ever heard.  He loves to stand in his entertainer and play, or sit and play with his toys.  I am so lucky!

I'm realizing that life is too short.  I am thirty years old already and that totally blows my mind.  Where have the years gone and have I enjoyed them as I should?  No.  I am not making a resolution because we all know I don't do that, but I am going to make living in the present my biggest priority.  I want to enjoy each day and enjoy what each one brings.  I want to accept circumstances as they are and do what I can to change them, but enjoy the journey and each step along the way.  I want to make sure that when I am old and gray and sitting in my rocker on the front porch that I know I enjoyed and lived life to the fullest each and every day.  I'm sure the next thirty years will fly by just as quickly as the last thirty and I want to make each one count.

Live in the now baby!

The Weekend

Christmas was amazing. It was the first weekend in months that I could relax and enjoy without worry of homework or present making. My brain is taking a breather and I think it likes it.

I know Reggie won't remember this Christmas, but there is something about it being his first that makes it amazing. He had a hayday with the wrapping paper and bows, not to mention that he is mesmerized by the lights on the tree. As for Adelaide, she was such a good girl this year and got the purple watch that was on her list (along with some other bonus items). It's fun to see how much she loves Santa, lights, presents, and giving to others.

Now to get some things done and relax a little more before school starts again next month. The best part is that I graduate in April. I can't believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I have been in college for way too long and it will be great to finally reap the reward.

I'm excited for 2011 and all that it holds. I'm already looking forward to a California trip in March, graduation in April, bike-riding, swimming, baseball games, and so much more in the summer. It's going to be awesome... it really is.

The Salvation Jedi

These guys were at Walmart on Saturday. It totally made my day and I don't know why. I told them that if I had a million dollars I would give it to them. And I would...if I could.

May the force be with you...